faewild:

smashedindigo:

no one saw me wear it therefore it is not dirty

Schrödinger’s laundry

(Source: 2460-pun, via hotguysandpizza)

disneyprincest:

why are my parents always like “go to bed.” i am in bed. im always in bed. you go to bed. stop talking to me.

(Source: parasailin, via hotguysandpizza)

ninfia:

why is it so easy to stay awake until 6 am but so hard to wake up at 6 am

(Source: fruitpacks, via hotguysandpizza)

fenrir-kin:

brigwife:

kidouyuuto:

how did they learn to translate languages into other languages how did they know which words meant what HOW DID TH

English Person: *Points at an apple* Apple

French Person: Non c’est une fucking pomme 

*800 years of war*

"C’est une fucking pomme" is now my favourite phrase

right up there with Viva la pluto

(via hotguysandpizza)

z-co:

one of my coworkers got a call (i work in a call center/tech support) from a customer that was really scared because supposedly the mafia was hacking her computer and they were stalking her…when finally my coworker took remote control of the computer he couldn’t stop laughing because

image

(via hotguysandpizza)

fruitcrocs:

fruitcrocs:

i love it when i cook stuff for myself bc like i’ve just cooked pasta and yee bitch look at me providing for myself i could totally make it in this world it’s almost as if i have my life together

i take this back the pasta was shit i’m falling apart

(via hotguysandpizza)

luvyourselfsomeesteem:

senhoritaugly:

I just had a grown man tell me to “go make me a sandwich” as I was doing his pourover

I told him I didn’t understand what he meant because we’re a coffee shop, and he was like “oh it’s a joke” and I said I “didn’t get it” and he went “it’s funny because you’re a woman working in a kitchen”

And I just stared at him until he got how stupid he sounded

let them feel their ignorance burn into their souls

(Source: plantaplanta, via hotguysandpizza)